It is accepted to consider that we all are equal but in front of God, I suppose. Among themselves, relatively on psyсhological-behavioural level, people are divided into 3 categories: “adult”, “equal”and “a child”.
We all perform one of these functions when we interact between each other. For example, when we explain something to a person, we perform as “adult” while another person is acting as “a child”. When we sit with our friends discussing nearest holidays to spend together, much more probably we perform as “equal” persons.
We can change the way we behave during the conversation. This is widely used in conflicts theory as by choosing the proper behaviour we may either suppress conflict or use the situation in our own aims.
When a customer is calling you with intention to shout about bad operation of your Company you may have few reasons in your excuse and you know that it’s not your fault about what he is claiming about. Could you ever try to explain something to a person shouting at you? Sometimes he seems not to hear of what you are trying to tell. He needs to talk, he’s too angry and he wants to be heard. Try to remember yourself in his situation, try to walk in his shoes. You may choose two positions: “a child” and “equal”. What is the difference between these two schemes? In case of “A child” way of behaviour, you’re trying to pretend that you don’t know about what the person in the phone is talking about and you express confidence that someone else in your Company or other partner is guilty in this situation and trying to finish this unpleasant call. In other case (”Equal”) you completely listen everything the person is telling you, and express readiness to help and solve the problem. You agree with everything he expresses to you and when the Shouting person becomes more calm as he had performed his basic task, you say something as “You’re quite right, yes, that is true, but there is another part of the problem in the way of bla-bla-bla and I do all my best to solve it as much as possible.”
Obviously, to become as “Adult” towards the Shouting person may spoil the conversation, the relationships and, in bad situation, business in whole. The Shouting person is “Adult” towards you and presence of 2 “Adults” interacting between themselves may lead to a conflict.
So when somebody is playing a role towards you you should use opposite way of behaviour or to make a situation where you can play a role of equal.
All these schemes of behaviour are true depending on the tasks you make in front of you. In any case, everybody likes the persons smiling and with smile you can solve a lot of problems when you interact with people. The smile makes you a person whom somebody may rely on but with one condition that this must be sincerest smile. The people can see false in you face, in your behaviour and in this case you can see directly opposite result.
What is the best way to behave? Does it mean that position of “equal” is like compromise in relationships?
There are some situations that demand very decided way of behaviour otherwise you can always play second role in the “orchestra of relationships” and this way is not appropriate to you. In case of “a child” nobody will take you into consideration as this is the way ”to hide” like children behave, in case of “equal” somebody may consider you as democratic loyal person who doesn’t set goals in front of himself.
The way to behave, the relationships between people - is a science that needs to be learnt and demands patience, experience and love to people.
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